My apologies to the more serious minded, but could not resist some "literary!!" humor on a Friday.
ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without ClingFree.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E.coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. The Bride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with Quentin Tarantino's vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m., instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain, like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstone leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 MPH, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 65 MPH.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds, who had also never met.
17. He fell for her, like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are want to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
22. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
23. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
24. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.
Yes, I know; it is much more impressive to your company to order Chaeauneuf-du-Pape with your meal. But wouldn't you like to get them sometimes with your knowledge of the new labels?
It is obvious sex sells.
where he makes 12 predictions for wine.
Is it the state of the economy? The PR about the benefits of wine? Enjoyment of it? Or, all of the above?
This is not your grandchildren's camp! Check out the opportunity to learn about winemaking by visiting the vineyards and sampling the wine while you pick grapes and crush just like I Love Lucy!
Just a short list of wine terms while you are expanding your wine knowledge:
Well... Seems like North Carolina has decided to quit the smoking business! "The state now boasts 300 commercial vineyards and 40 wineries. Half the wineries were established in the past two years, according to the N.C. Grape Council in Raleigh.
